Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
We need more fortunes for our newest app - Badass Fortune Cookie!!!
Submit 10 of your own original, witty fortunes to email@example.com and this will enter you into a drawing to win a $50, $25 or $10 iTunes gift card. We will be allowing 2 weeks for submissions, so on May 31st we will announce the winners.
In order for the fortunes to fit in our app, the text cannot exceed 60 characters.
Download our free app Badass Fortune Cookie to get a taste of the type of humor we are using.
Any fortunes submitted will be Milk Drinking Cow's property and we will have the right to use any fortune for our next update.
Start sending us your badass fortunes for a chance to win an iTunes card!
I try to remove the mysticism of my app selection. I would love to come back to developers with a staggering story of my discovery of their hard work. I would convey a story of a sacred cellar in my basement that only two other people hold the key to. Each day, we would pass around a crystal ball and reveal to the other two our consensus of what app we need to review next. In our lair of brother and sisterhood, our mutual respect for the developers would be convened in a post-review reception of cookies and punch. Lately, I’m lucky if I manage to grab a glass of Kool-aid between sentences and incoherent shouts along the lines of , “Mommy’s working” and “Quit poking your brother with that.”
Truth be told, it’s a lot of dumb luck. I just find them. I like them, and I write about them. I’m sure there are developers out there with fantastic or utterly abysmal apps that deserve love, attention, or a poking finger depending on how bad it might be. I just don’t find them. Every so often though, the app finds me. Today, my Badass Fortune Cookie doled out the humorous tough love that everyone sometimes needs. There was nothing special to it. All it is, is an app that you shake. A fortune cookie rattles around and cracks open, bequeathing it’s superb ancient knowledge to you with twangy music and greasy table cloth backgrounds.
It was one of those days where from the get-go you’re doing stuff you hate. Stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable. Then, you keep doing more and more of it until you’re up to your eyeballs in misery, and it’s only noon. It’s 11:00 at night, and I’m sitting here, telling people about an app that insults them. It’s been one of those days. Yet, I opened up this promising titled app, gave the fortune cookie a shake, and it told me, “Well, aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.”
I actually held it still for a moment to try and process what it just said to me. After waiting all day in clinics and three (count them, three) bureaucratic government offices only to get nothing done and drive home through a lightning storm that had me making deals with God, I was suddenly a waste of evolution. Then, I laughed. I laughed so hard it started to hurt. Listening to the horrible Chinese music in the background and seeing that silly, stupid fortune on the screen made my day just a little bit better. I went through the entire cycle of sayings, just for the little laughs, and not because I needed to write a review.
Sometimes, it’s good to have a free little app remind you that you aren’t the center of the universe, you’re problems aren’t that bad, and sheep do, in fact, shrink in the rain. It’s good to open a little something that found you and have an animated fortune cookie to shake around, only to have it crack open and tell you something a long the lines of your mother being overweight.
So, take the time to download a little bit of happiness from a Badass Fortune Cookie. It’s that kind of “quirky.” It brings a slanted smile to your face, and slow head shake at some of the stupid, one-liners. It’s a free app, so just go have some fun with it. You’ve earned it. Because according to my fortune, you should laugh at your problems; everyone else does.
Amazing writing - Thanks Kathryn!